I want to make her head implode

Oh my G-d. She makes me look like such a fool. Well, I allow it to happen to myself because of how much I love him, but for right now I want to embrace my anger and let my blood boil a bit. I can be rational about it later. Besides none of you know me anyway, so what does it matter how I express myself to you?

For three years in college, I loved him. I thought he was brilliant and dark from the moment I met him, and I took the roller coaster ride he was offering. I was intrigued by his apparent lack of concern for other people and his cold and isolating nature. I quickly fell in love, though I wouldn't say it out loud for three years. We fought hard on so many things, moral ambiguities, political beliefs, differing opinions about the direction the club we belonged to should take. We made up hard as well. The passion was intense. I was his confidant, the one person in his life he would trust and divulge all - which means I also would get the news no girl wants to hear. He wouldn't date me, he wouldn't be my boyfriend. He told me when other girls came along, he talked to me about his relationships and why they would never work. In the end, we were together. We were inseparable, spent every night together, shared every moment, embarrassment with one another. Still not my boyfriend.

I graduated and moved away. He called me everyday. I moved to a new time zone, in a big plane, where the telephone was no longer an option. He called me everyday (on the computer now). Enter new girl. Spiteful, manipulative, rotten, competative, and altogether completely unknowing about him. She has effectively put a firm end to the friendship he and I had. She is the only person in this world that could convince him to lie to me, to keep secrets.

I feel like an insignificant and trivial person. The confidence I had in our friendship and unspoken love for one another makes me feel like a fool. I have been rejected before, I have been lead along only then to be rejected before. It is that I voluntarily gave up my control to him - I put my heart in his hands only to have her break it.