An interesting series of occurrences in my life recently...I have been asked by five separate people in my life if I would consider moving in with them or moving close to them. They live in five separate places. All of a sudden no one can live their lives without me near? Everyone wants me to be their roommate, live next door, travel with them all over the world, hold their secrets. I had given up on being that girl. I tried all through high school and all through college to be that person to everyone - the confidant, the best friend, the girlfriend, the supportive one, the advice giver, the honest one. I wanted to be the, "I can't live without you in my life," friend. And I was rejected. So I gave up and I became that person to myself.
I have begun to make decisions for my life not based upon the happiness of someone else, but upon my own happiness. This was the best move I have ever made for myself, but like anyone recovering from a pathological debilitation of worrying about everyone around her (sometimes even strangers), I am very susceptible to the perception of being "needed." I am on the cusp of something dangerous because if I oblige and move near even one of these people then my progress on the relationship with myself is for naught.
It has gotten me thinking however, what role have I/do I currently play in the lives of these people and where does the need for my physical presence emanate? I have been far removed from all the people in my life for about a year now - completely by choice. I picked up and I moved where I knew no one would follow. It wasn't a secret that I was leaving, nor that I had been considering it for a long time.
I hate cliche; has the drought of my personage caused affection to well up within the emotional cores of these distant friends? To be honest I am surprised. I didn't expect to be missed or needed in my absence and due to that, I have not allowed myself to miss them. I care about their general well-being and that they are alive. Beyond that, they can take care of themselves and the details just aren't important as they once used to be.
How many friends are we really supposed to have? And what is the sell by date of a friendship? Is there any circumstance where a friendship is meant to last forever? When we try to reconnect with old friends, are we really just looking for some validation; an affirmation that we won't be forgotten? And where is the line between realism and cynicism when it comes to not seeing the benefit in catching up with old friends?
I told everyone I was leaving, maybe I just won't tell them that I am coming back.
I have begun to make decisions for my life not based upon the happiness of someone else, but upon my own happiness. This was the best move I have ever made for myself, but like anyone recovering from a pathological debilitation of worrying about everyone around her (sometimes even strangers), I am very susceptible to the perception of being "needed." I am on the cusp of something dangerous because if I oblige and move near even one of these people then my progress on the relationship with myself is for naught.
It has gotten me thinking however, what role have I/do I currently play in the lives of these people and where does the need for my physical presence emanate? I have been far removed from all the people in my life for about a year now - completely by choice. I picked up and I moved where I knew no one would follow. It wasn't a secret that I was leaving, nor that I had been considering it for a long time.
I hate cliche; has the drought of my personage caused affection to well up within the emotional cores of these distant friends? To be honest I am surprised. I didn't expect to be missed or needed in my absence and due to that, I have not allowed myself to miss them. I care about their general well-being and that they are alive. Beyond that, they can take care of themselves and the details just aren't important as they once used to be.
How many friends are we really supposed to have? And what is the sell by date of a friendship? Is there any circumstance where a friendship is meant to last forever? When we try to reconnect with old friends, are we really just looking for some validation; an affirmation that we won't be forgotten? And where is the line between realism and cynicism when it comes to not seeing the benefit in catching up with old friends?
I told everyone I was leaving, maybe I just won't tell them that I am coming back.
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