First sight

I miss Grandpa a lot right now. There is an older gentleman on the train with what appears to be his daughter and his wife. He is in a wheelchair and only has the use of one hand. He is wearing a beige jacket with snaps at the cuff. He wants to change the snaps to make the cuffs tighter, but he is having trouble making the snaps work by himself. He is nudging his daughter for help, but she shrugs him away, refuses to help. The man waits a moment and attempts the snaps again by himself. Again he nudges for help. I want to run over and help him. I want to show him attention and kindness. I wish I could speak to him and know his story. He struggles and after continued trying, succeeds in properly snapping his jacket cuffs. I wonder if he notices me as I notice him. can he see my tears the way I see his struggle?

I was asked today of my perception of the Japanese people and society. I lied when I responded. I have been taught in my American society to seek to understand and accept difference; to care for and show compassion to those seeking help. We are taught to be independent and non-conformist. In Japan, if you are not the same, then you are wrong. This is the perception I am unable to share honestly.

I will strive for my entire life to show compassion for those seeking help. To seek help is incredibly noble, and that nobility deserves respect. Every person has a story that is worth knowing. My grandfather was a wonderful man, and lived many years in solitude. My youth inhibited me and my shyness caused me to be wholly unaware of the life he led and many of the stories he had to tell.

Death is something I cannot understand. I will never be okay with it. I will never forget the feeling of my grandfather's fading hand in mine. I was in the room, I felt him leave this world and for that I will always be thankful.

Human feelings and compassion are complex thoughts with undefinable parameters. I do not need to defend to you my sincere desire to show people love and attention. People walking into my life deserve my attention sincerely. I seek only to learn and complete their lives with a small piece of my own. I am the lucky one to know the people I do, they make me a better person.

My thoughts are complicated and difficult to put on paper, but if I never seek to understand then it is my failing.